Inner Thoughts
by ArcherHawkeye
Summary: Eyes, Voice, Rank. Just a few thing that drew them together. Secrets are meant to be kept, or are they? Implied yaoi. Gift fic for Spopococ.
1. Eyes

Heya everyone! So, I finished a fic that I started ages ago. And I thought I would post it before I post chapter 4 of Child's Blood, because editing for it has gone a bit slower than I intended. For that, I am deeply sorry, but I am putting finishing touches on it now. *smile* SO! Until then, enjoy this lovely number, _Inner Thoughts_.

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><p><strong>Chapter One: Eyes<strong>  
>Blue.<p>

That was the first thing I ever saw of him, no matter how many times I saw him. The beautiful pools of blue could keep me distracted for hours on end. Add on his voice, the soothing lilt of it, and his looks overall, and there was a young man asking to be loved. The company may have feared his father, but they loved him. No, not loved. Everyone lusted after him. His blonde hair, white suits, pale tan. He was the epitome of beautiful, but I doubted our relationship would be more than just executives.

After all, he was Rufus Shin-Ra. I was merely a pawn.

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><p>Soooooo...who is our mysterious narrator? Don't worry, you'll find out in the next installment. Be warned, the next chapter has a bit of a twist. Teehee. If I get enough reviews, I will certainly post it soon. Haha. I do hope you guys enjoy. I love you all!<p> 


	2. Demeanor

**Chapter Two! Yay! *dance* Lol. It's not really the same once the fic is done. Lmao.  
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><p><strong>Chapter Two: Demeanor<strong>  
>Silent.<p>

That would have to be the initial thought of him. No matter where he was, no matter what he looked like. He was always the same; a guardian at my side consistently. But when he spoke. Gaia, the man could make me dizzy, weak and drunk on the way his voice was so sure, so knowing. I may be the second-in-command of the company, but I'd give it all up if I could only hear his voice at night. Just once, I'd like to have him beside me as I fall asleep. Black hair, brown gaze, sun-kissed tan.

But it wouldn't work out with my father being there. I was Rufus Shin-Ra, and the prize I sought was the Leader of the Turks.

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><p>Haha! SO know you guys know who the pairing is. Uhm, to be fair though, some of you should have known by the charas I had as the main two. xD Anyway. Hope you guys enjoyed it!<p> 


	3. Risk

**Chapter three! =O Enjoy. And remember! Reviews = Love!  
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><p><strong>Chapter Three: Risk<strong>  
>The title of Lead Turk.<p>

That's what I was risking by just letting myself be drawn into Rufus' pull. But I couldn't resist. The Vice President had a strong presence once you got through the tough outer layer. The layer built from abuse from his father. That public show was a constant reminder to me, of why I needed –should– keep my emotions in check. I didn't want to be the reason the beatings began again. But Rufus didn't seem to care, letting it slip on more than one occasion that he liked me on a much more personal level. If only he knew what that did to my resolve.

I think we both knew the risk. But Leviathan help me, I was falling in love with the man.


	4. Rank

**So, Vixxy here, with installment 4 of Inner Thoughts! Enjoy, my loves! REMEMBER! Reviews = LOVE!**

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><p><strong><span>Chapter Four: Rank<span>  
><strong>My rank could never be taken from me.

I guess being the President's only legitimate son had perks like that. Even though I could have used the title alone to get what I wanted from the Commander, I wasn't my father. If I got what I wanted, it was because I had earned it. Not that I didn't mind working to receive the affections of the Turk leader. I knew my father had placed me as Vice President because he didn't think Rogue could handle it. My rank came at the price of not knowing my sister. My twin sister was cut off from her legacy because of her gender. But I was allowed to stay only to be beaten.

But because of my rank, I was given Tseng. And despite being told no one would ever love me, I loved the Wutainian endlessly.

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><p>Okay, so not as many reviews, but i still think I owe my readers something. Haha. I am working on a sequel to my Wolf's Rain fic from another account, so! I hope everyone doesn't kill me for being slow. -sweatdrop-<p> 


	5. Voice

And here it is, part 5! =D I'm so glad I got reviews. Teehee. Hope you guys still love it. And keep in mind; REVIEWS = LOVE!

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><p><strong>Chapter Five: Voice<br>**I could drown in that voice.

The timbre was soft, almost pleading when he spoke. A beautiful baritone melody escaped his lips when they parted. Without that melodic voice, I would most certainly lose my mind. At first he merely spoke a few words; one such time was an inquiry to check on his twin sister. Then the responses grew. Before I could stop myself, the lilt of Rufus' voice became a drug. It also became how I knew if he didn't feel well. If he spoke little, he was sick or hurt from a beating.

Above all else, that voice was what kept me going when I wanted to quit. I just had to believe that somewhere inside that beautiful blonde teen was the same thing I felt for him.

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><p>Welps, that's all folks! xD Do hope you review, and of course, that you like it.<p>

Love,  
>Cyn<p> 


	6. Tears

**Chapter Six: Tears**  
>Tears were a sign of weakness.<p>

That's what father always told me after a beating. After 12 years of abuse, I had learned not cry until I was alone. Father wouldn't see, so he couldn't beat me to make me stop. None of the employees would see, so they wouldn't know the future leader of their company was weak. I had never intended on Tseng knowing about my weakness. I had merely forgotten how accustomed he'd become to simply entering the bedroom that was adjoined to my office. And after my silent dismissal, he had to have been worried. He entered with no knock, but with gentle concern in his voice as he called my name.

I stared in horror, tears streaming down my face as I tried to stop the bleeding in my side. And then he was beside me and the tears were falling like a cascading waterfall.


	7. Pleasure

I'm posting two chapters to help appease some of my readers. I am so sorry for not updating, I haven't had a computer! DX

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><p><strong>Chapter Seven: Pleasure<strong>  
>One night had broken what little resolve I had had left in my corner.<p>

Seeing Rufus bloodied and crying had shattered every last possible wall I'd had built. I couldn't stop myself as I pulled him close, putting the pressure on a gash in his side. He was broken in my hold as he cried, as if he were a crushed rose, apologizing for being weak. I did the unthinkable [and something I should have been killed for]. I tilted his head up to look at me and laid my lips gently against his. I expected to be shoved away and fired from the company. To my unsuspecting emotions, the other male kissed back with a passion I had never thought one so young could have. The sheer joy hit me like a tidal wave.

It was a pleasure to show him he was loved. And an honor to both show and tell him I meant it.


	8. Pain

Ewwo! Sorry for taking so long you guys! DX I've been having some issues on inspiration. PLUS! My thumbdrive with allll of my stories has gone missing. D= So I'm trying to remember how everything was. DX Be patient, guys!

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><p><strong>Chapter Eight: Pain<strong>  
>I had never thought about what I would want, or like, when it came to sex.<p>

But after that night, I began to wonder and think. And it made me realize what the choice would be. The self-created scars that adorned my wrists and collarbone in numerous angles and designs; they were the pleasure filled memories that erased the mental anguish. In order for pain to be a virtue during sex – it meant rough. How did the lyrics of that song go again? I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all'? Truer words could never have been spoken. Physical pain was the alternative to dealing with the suffocating pain of mental status.

The question was if Tseng was willing to "hurt" me to make me feel better. I guess abuse, once experienced, made its way into your life forever.


	9. Gone

Hi guys! Got busy working on some partially done stuff and figured I would appease you all by posting a new chapter for this one! :] I hope you guys enjoy this one, cuz there's only one chapter left. As always, REVIEWS = LOVE!

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><p><strong>Chapter Nine: Gone<strong>  
>Empty and worried.<p>

Every time the President sent me out on a mission, that is how I felt. Rufus was left unprotected when I wasn't on the compound. That made him vulnerable to attacks from the President, which only increased any and all anxiety I had previously, because these attacks had become more frequent. In my absence this time, I had assigned Reno to looking after the Shin-Ra youth; but said red haired TURK had a tendency of lacking all motivation unless he felt like it. But Reno had made a promise, under TURK's Honor, that he would keep Rufus safe for me. I had a feeling that the arrogant little shit had pieced together what was going on between our VP and myself a long while before we had. If this were the case, the young, former drug junkie's word was true and binding. And if not…well, when I returned I'd have to talk to my Secon-in-Command.

But for now, I was gone. And I felt decidedly lonely without Rufus at my side.


	10. Love

Soooo, I decided to appease my little review birds with the final chapter of my fic for Spoppy.

**Chapter Ten: Love**  
>I didn't realize how far I had fallen.<p>

My love had grown exponentially, and I hadn't even noticed it. Father had sent Tseng away yet again [I'm beginning to fear that he knows about the two of us]. Tseng had put Reno in charge in his place, which gave me time to catch up with him. Reno explained that recently, he'd been going to see Rogue, as I'd asked him to check up on her. According to the redhead, she was worried about my mental and physical state. I promised him that I would see her once Tseng was back, because at the moment, I was worried. With his signature cocky smirk, Reno assured me that Tseng would come back in one piece, no matter what the cost, because he loved me. Reno had a way of joking, but there was no hint of play, joke, or jest in his look.

The feelings were the same; the love was there. I had a feeling it always had been.

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><p>YAY for Happy endings! xD Well, implied happy endings. I lurvs it to death.<p> 


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